something
NeutralI just feel like getting it out on DA. I may as well make this place useful for something.
Put your hands up if you've been single for too long with a horde of female FRIENDS who you wish were your girlfriends at one point in time?
I've been in and out of this emotional bullshit for ages now. No matter how many friends I have or make, they can't be there forever. I've become prudent in my mistakes, and often too timid to speak up with very good reason. I'm not like most other guys, and I don't dig most other girls.
it's like girls have to find ME. I had a massive chat with my childhood friend/ first and greatest love interest/ worst mistake/ best ever buddy ever on new year. It's true that people have to work to find the real me, but it's normally worth it. People like me though, they can't be expected to make the leap when they're so unsure. They have got something to lose, and that's more of their confidence. I know I've lost enough to make me really ponder why a few girls I know don't see the real me even though I put it on display far more lately...
Makes me feel like a loser really. The thing is, we all have something we want, and we all have something to give to get what we want. The right one may be somewhere, but we're so unsure that perfect matches hover past without a second glance.
I know I have a few... But right now it's none. There's always too much fear, always too much distance, always too much friendship.
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate friends like you wouldn't know. My friends, online and off, have moulded me into a person I'm more proud to be than I've ever been. I've more personality, interests, skills and outlooks than I ever had a few years ago. I'll never feel quite complete though until someone comes up to me and loves me for all that I am. I'm not forcing opinions, I'm not convincing anyone. I just want someone to look at all of me and say 'yes'.
I wonder if it's worth boosting egos a little... If any of you have ever loved someone in the past and were too afraid to admit it, and those people still have no-one and you have someone... Let them know what you saw. Just let them know they aint losers.
On a side note. Flashpoint.
Watch that film.
Watch it.
Stand up and applaud when Donnie delivers the greatest suplex ever.
...
Yeh that's about it. Take care people, live hard, die old and tell the kids the crazy stories.
Devious Comments
What I'm starting to wonder is if perhaps you're letting people get too close as friends, so that when you do actually develop feelings they can only see you as a friend.
Although it's hard to rectify that, because I'm sure you don't see every female as a love interest as soon as you meet them? So you're not really on your guard to how close you get on a friendship level?
I understand you want people to see you as you, you want intimate friendships as much as you want intimate romance, but sometimes it is best to keep a few things to yourself - don't let out too much too soon. Allow the space for the relationship to develop into either friendship or romance, and when you decide about the person you can shift it either way.
I won't lie, my boyfriend and I were friends before we were lovers, but there was always a base friendship first where I didn't spill my guts. I kept him guessing and I gave the illusion that he would only learn more if he wanted what I wanted... which was a relationship. We've been together for 6 years now.
Otherwise, do you think maybe there's too much emphasis on romance in your life? Perhaps you should just spend time enjoying who you are. Sometimes love sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
Anyway, not sure if that helps
--
A ring is round
It has no end
Which means it is not SQUARE, my friend!
In my history I've only officially had 2 girlfriends, both in high school. The first one I don't mind at all because she actually walked up to me and said that she was interested in someone else, so I gave her my best wishes. The second broke up with me in a letter that was given to me by her friend on April Fool's Day, and in the letter it said that she thought of me more like a brother than a boyfriend, but I seem to get that a lot.
I've never been savy with the ladies. Heck, I can name tons female friends of mine that I thought were pretty, had a great personality, and I could hold a decent conversation with but every time I got shot down. If it's not "I'm sorry, I just never thought of you that way" or "I don't want to risk our friendship", it's "I'm still searching for my lover from a past life" or "I'm actually interested in another person."
It's gotten to the point where I don't even try anymore, but it's difficult not to think about when it seems like all my friends either have girlfriends, fiancees, are pregnant, or are married. Merely thinking about how alone I actually feel sometimes sends me into a depression.
My friends do try to cheer me up, "Bah, you don't need a chick. They'll just eat up all your money and your time, you should enjoy your time as a bachelor." or "Do you see what having a girlfriend did to him?" But the feeling remains.
*Sigh* Sometimes I don't know what to think anymore...but I'm sure we'll find us some chicas, we just can't give up.
There are times that I feel even worse that the only actual woman that would approach me was on the internet
I mean, I'm not complaining about that, but every time I think about it, it's just like
"Am I that bad at this?"
Am I really that abrasive and cynical that no woman would ever even think twice about me irl?
and then I just wonder why it bothers me so much.....
--
Love is over
Like the song says, you've gotta learn to break some hearts.
Don't get me wrong, because I'm no Don Juan myself, three girlfriends and the last one I got engaged to, but all three happened to be my friends from way-back-when.
If I can say what I think your problem is? And if you're anything like the people I've spoken to in this aspect, then it applies... you give yourself away.
You're a talented guy, athletic, artistic, musical, and more importantly not smug about any of the things you can do. But I'm willing to think that when you meet people, you tell them things too fast. You want to get to know them so you relate what they say to things you know or have experienced, and you explain it.
Think about it like this; what makes *anybody* curious, or when it doesn't make them curious then they aren't interested at all, is mystery.
If you tell people the answers about you first, then that makes you a known factor and easy to be friends with. It works for me, I tell people who I am and they either like me or they don't, and since I don't change who I am to suit other people, then they have to deal with that, not me.
But if you're looking for a relationship... and I hate to use the phrase, but bait them in. You can be understanding and sympathetic, but not outwardly effusive, and you can be interested and looking for more, but you don't actually have to come out and say it.
If anything your problem is not with being unconfident or unattractive to women, it's that you're *too* open and easy to understand. There's a lot of Matt Warwick to like and it's all there waiting to be asked about or shown to people like a new hundred-quid italian shirt.
What's the best way to put it... you've just got to be there where a girl can see you, but always keep the largest part of your 'self' where she has to go looking for it.
Like I say, if you're anything like the others, then you've not got any problem getting the girl, your only problem is presenting yourself as 'boyfriend' rather than just 'friend' to a prospective female.
If I don't make sense, or you just want to hear some examples, then note me or PM me on Gashu or something. This is what I *do* my friend, don't forget that I mean it when I say I'm here to help.
FN
--
"So he... wait, what the heck are you doing?"
"Spog."
"S-wha?"
"New word for belly-button fluff; Spog"
"Wow... raping the English language again I see. Genius. I knew I kept you around for a reason."
My portfolio: [link]
Yeah, i see where your coming from.
Been thinking a lot about this kinda thing lately, for a while actually.
My situation is that i've only ever had one girlfriend, and that i've had, and have, plenty of female 'friends'. Its been driving me insane, i can make fiends easily enough, to easily in fact, but thats all. Nothing ever goes beyond friendship, and no one ever seems even remotely interested.
I'd continue but i dont really see what anyone can gain from reading this.
Also i've just finished reading Thaylien's comment, makes a lot of sense the stuff he's posted.
peace
--
Let the strands of creation capture you,
see the splendor of that which is real,
but still be memorized by the possibility,
Let love, frustration, and sadness fill you,
and take you away on a journey
Nick Evans, Agony Uncle to the internet, at your service. I may not have all the answers, but I listen to everybody and I don't judge them, mostly because I'm the other side of the internet and can't.
And thankyou kid, it's always nice to know when somebody gets something out of my words.
FN
--
"So he... wait, what the heck are you doing?"
"Spog."
"S-wha?"
"New word for belly-button fluff; Spog"
"Wow... raping the English language again I see. Genius. I knew I kept you around for a reason."
My portfolio: [link]
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